Story of a Secret Heart by Cassi Ellen - HTML preview

My choice

I knew if I stayed in Sydney I would end up in prison, dead, in rehab or all three, and that terrified me. So, with a very heavy heart, I calmly made the heart-wrenching decision to leave, leaving the job I loved, the friends I thought I couldn’t live without and the life I knew deep down that I really wanted.

However, on the airplane the day I left, I was far from calm. I was a mess, to say the least. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed some more. Numerous air stewards checked on me during the flight, but I could barely speak with grief. I truly felt like a part of me had died. For twenty-six long hours, I doubted and questioned my decision to leave, over and over again. Every time I thought about it, I couldn’t breathe, like someone was crushing my rib cage, like my heart was being broken into a thousand pieces all over again. I remembered back to when I handed my resignation in at work, and I was crying so much they had assumed I had been raped! Coco was obviously down below in cargo, and although I was desperately worried about her, my mind keep straying to pool parties, VIP events and of course Ben. I had no idea if I would ever see him again; whether our ‘relationship / friendship’ would really survive such a long distance.‘Sometimes it’s time to let go and move on before your past drags you any further down.’ — Unknown.