Chapter 35
Tabios...
After I changed into a dry shirt I walk to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. I haven’t eaten anything all night. Angel has been in the bathroom for a while now I know she is trying to avoid me but eventually she is going to have to come out and if she don’t I’ll just go get her myself. I hear the bathroom door open and Angel appears wearing nothing but my white shirt. I can tell she isn’t wearing a bra because her nipples are poking out. Fuck, I can’t be thinking about that right now. “I made some coffee” I say as she walks into the kitchen. Her hair is tied up in a bun and she isn’t wearing any makeup. She looks fucking beautiful. I’ve always preferred this Angel the one that doesn’t try to look sexy but always ends up looking fucking hot.
“Thanks,” she says as I hand her a cup of coffee. She turns around and walks into the living room. I reach for a cold beer and follow her. “How are you feeling?” I ask. She takes a sip of her coffee and puts it down on the table “Drunk and I don’t want that”. She leans back to the sofa and close her eyes. I take a sip of my beer as I stare at her it’s taking every ounce of strength in me not to touch her. She looks so fucking good with my shirt on. “Okay,” she tilts her head to the side to look at me “ask me anything you want to know”. I croak my eyebrow at her “Anything?”. Is she serious right now? I want to know everything about her that I don’t even know where to start asking. She takes in a deep breath “Anything”.
“Are you sure?” I ask. I don’t want to make her uncomfortably. She licks her lips “Just ask me before I change my mind” she says frustrated. What should I ask her? How many men she’s been with? No, I don’t want to know that. I might kill them all. “What do I make you feel?” I ask the one question that I am dying to know. She lets out a whistle “Can I get something stronger than coffee?” I shake my head “If you don’t want to answer we can stop playing” I lay back into the sofa. She puts a finger up in the air as she takes a sip of her coffee.
“You make me feel,” she stops to think about it “scare” she says after a long pause. Hearing her say that feels like getting stab in the heart. Scare? That’s the last thing I want to make her feel. Maybe I have this all wrong. I don’t want her to be with me out of fear. “You scare me because you make me feel things I’ve never felt. You make me want things I know I can’t have” she brings her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them. What does she mean? I don’t understand. I take a swing out of my beer “What do I make you want? And why can’t you have them?”
She lifts her head up to look me straight in the eyes “You make me want to believe,” she stops talking and looks the other way. I walk to sit next to her “Say it baby,” I tilt her head to get a better view of her face. I need to hear her say it. She looks at me and takes a big breath like if she can’t breathe “Love,” she whispers so low I barley hear her. Love? I make her want to believe in love? I don’t even know what love is. I’ve never loved anyone in my life expect for my mother of course but it’s not the same. I grab her hand “I don’t know what love feels like but I know that you make me feels thing I didn’t even know I could”. Her eyes turn light blue as tears start to build. She lets go of my hand and stands up “No, this can’t happen”. She starts to pace back and forth. “Why not?” I stand in front of her blocking her way.
“Nothing good can come from this,” she throws her arms in the air. “How do you know?” I ask her. What is she some kind of witch that can see into the fucking future if that’s the damn case she should give me the winning numbers. “Can you promise me that you’ll never hurt me?” she asks with tears in her eyes. Fuck she got me there. I can’t fucking promise her that. “Fuck no,” it comes out a little too harsh “but I can promise I’ll tried my best not to”. She shakes her head from side to side “That’s not good enough for me. I can’t risk it”. What the hell is she talking about? This conversation is getting me aggravated. I run my hand through my hair trying to calm myself down “Risk what?” I ask.
“My heart” she drops to the sofa defeated. You know that feeling when you get kick in the balls? That feeling like you can’t fucking breath no matter how much you’re trying? That’s what I am feeling right about now. I sit on the coffee table across from her speechless. “I can’t risk whatever I have left of my heart. I’ve been keeping it safe for a very long time. If whatever this is between us ends up bad I don’t think I’ll be able to survive it,” a tear rolls down her face. Holly fucking shit, this is the first time I’ve ever seen her cry. She quickly swipes the tear away with her finger.
I reach for her hand “Baby I’ll never break your heart because that will mean I’ll be breaking mines” I run my thumb across her tattoo. Just watching her cry hurts my heart. I didn’t even know I could feel something like this. I haven’t felt hurt in a long as time. “I can’t” she shakes her head. I get down on my knees “Listen to me Angel, since the first time I saw you at the club I knew you were different I felt it and I know you did to because you came home with me. You could have gone home with anyone else but you choose me. That night when I was watching you sleep all I could think about was getting to know you, having you in my life, and when I woke up the next morning you were gone. I felt this emptiness is my chest like if I’ve lost something that I didn’t even know I had”.
Tears start running down her face. I swipe my thumbs under her eyes to clean them off. “I know what you mean it was so hard for me to leave that morning. I felt like there was this force pulling me to you” she confesses. I knew she felt the same way I did. “So let’s do this” I say to her. I don’t know what this is and I sure as hell don’t know how to make it work but I’ll try me fucking best. “You don’t understand,” she pulls her hands out of my hold. “Then make me” I plead. I need to know what’s in that head of hers.
“You know my mom wasn’t always the major bitch that she is now,” she looks away from me as she cleans a tear away “She said she was just like every other stupid girl who believed in love until she fell for the bad boy and that’s where everything went wrong it started like every damn love story until she got pregnant with me,” she stops and looks down to her hands “my father left her when she told him she was expecting me and that made her in to the heartless woman that I know today”.
She lifts her head to stare at me “How can she love me if I am the reason he broke her heart?” she ask. I open my mouth to say something but close it right back up. I don’t know what to say to that. “She can’t and I understand her that’s why I can’t hate her. Everyone talks about the good part of love but no one talks about the evil side” she starts crying all over again but this time she doesn’t hold back. I quickly wrap my arms around her. She presses her face into my chest. Fuck! I don’t know what to fucking do. I am not good with this whole crying shit. I pick her up in my arms and walk to my bedroom. I pull back my sheets and climb into bed with her. “Shh,” I stroke her back trying to calm her down.
“I don’t know what love is I’ve never experience It.” she hiccups in between her words. “I don’t remember my mother ever giving me a hug or telling me she loves me. What I do remember is her telling me was that I was the biggest mistake she had ever made and how much she regretted not getting the abortion my father suggested”. Just hearing that makes me fucking furious. What kind of fucking bastard would suggest something so disgusting like that? Most importantly what kind of fucking mother would say that to their child? I tighten my hold on her. From now on I will never let anyone ever hurt her again. “The only person who has ever showed me love is Hope. She accepts me for who I am with flaws and all. She stands by me even when I make the crazies decisions,” she giggles as if she remembers something “I love her and yet I can never tell her that. I’m all fucked up”.
I stroke her back trying to calm her down “She sounds like a great friend and I am sure she knows you love her”. I’m glad she has someone like Hope in her life someone who cares for her and is always there when she needs her. Someone who’ll protect her from anyone, now I understand why she hated me at first. “Yeah she is like the sister I never had. She is my family”. I can see why she is so protective about whom she lets in her life and especially in her heart. She has gone through a lot of hurt and the people responsible for that hurt are the people that should of love and protect her from it in the first place. “How ironic is it that everyone else in the world is looking for their special someone to fall in love with but then there is me who runs away from love instead of towards it,” she lifts her head to look at me “that’s what I’ve been trying to do with you no matter how hard I try to run the other way it’s like you have this pull on me that won’t let me go,” her eyes drop to my chest “and that scares the living shit out of me”.
“Look at me,” I say as I lift her head “you scare the living shit out of me too. This might come to a surprise to you but I’ve never done this either that’s why I can’t promise you that I won’t fuck up because I don’t know what the fuck I am doing but I am willing to try that’s all I ask of you to try with me”. I know she wants to her eyes are telling me that but I can see her fighting herself. She bites down on her lip I don’t-,” I put my finger on top of her lips to shut her up “How about you sleep on it and answer tomorrow”. She inhales a big breath and nods her head “Okay”. She tries pulling away from me but I tighten my hold on her. She looks up at me confuse “I’m not risking you leaving me in the middle of the night” I joke. I know she isn’t going nowhere because I have her keys. She smiles “I am not going anywhere I am drunk remember?” we both laugh.
She looks so beautiful that I can’t resist myself. I lean down and kiss her on her lips “Goodnight Angel” I whisper into her soft lips. When I pull away from her I notice her eyes are close I can’t help but to smile to myself. She rests her head on my chest “Goodnight Tabios”. I stroke her back until her breathing evenings out. How can someone so beautiful like her carry so much pain and hurt? Just thinking about it makes me want to snap her mom’s neck in half and if her father was still alive I would be the cause of his death. I bring her wrist to my lips and kiss it. I trace her tattoo. I’m fine. She anything but fine I think to myself. I stare at her tattoo as I trace it trying to discover the meaning behind it. Now that I am looking at it from this angle it looks different.
I stare at some more until I finally see it for what it is. Her tattoo doesn’t say I’m fine it says save me. I feel a sharp pain coming from my chest. She’s been crying for help all this time and no one has herded her. I dip my head to give her a kiss on the forehead “I’ll save you” I promise.