Sight - Chloe Ross

When you look at me, what do You see?

The same old broken mess, a shell of my former self

A never ending cycle of darkness, despair and suffering

An unsolvable puzzle

A person for who there is no quick fix, no short cut, no possible resolution

My life is like a disordered thread

So knotted, twisted and tangled that it just has no use

No way to unpick the mess, for untangling actually leads to further knotting

The start of the knot seems forgotten and lost as the cycle continues again and again

Will there be an end to it? The end seems distant, unreachable, unattainable

Or do these knots make this fragile thread stronger?

Maybe You are weaving something that looks different to what I see

Is the further knotting necessary to free this thread again?

Amongst the bigger backdrop of life maybe this knotted mess has purpose

Maybe unravelling is not the aim, not the goal

Is it through this mess that my true self is revealed?

Is there healing in the entangling, in the mess?

Did I have to go through this to find the real me?

For it was this that made me draw near to You, this that made me feel You closer than my skin

Made me welcome You in, let You stare into the deepest hidden depths of me

For it is only You that can see the true me

When you look at me, what do You see?

Do You instead see a masterpiece?

A work of art in the making

Beauty in amongst the pain and despair, for You reside there

You alone can see the radiance in the pain

Like a baby after childbirth, the suffering has a purpose and a name

Jesus; my hope and my saviour

Immovable, unshakeable, unbreakable

A victor who is for me and beside me

Who created me and died for me

Ever-present despite how I feel

Someone who understands me better than myself

Who knows me completely yet loves me anyway

A forgiving healer who I can stand before unashamed

In his presence, brokenness is made whole, restoration is begun

They say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

Then in his eyes I am truly beautiful, inside and out