The family lived in a quiet, suburban enclave. Her mother was a nurse, and her father owned a small bar. For most of her life, Vickie could not talk about her childhood. She had a father who couldn’t control his temper and a mother that decided to stay with him.
Vickie and her brother grew up in an incredibly difficult household, complete with a Nazi father who was also physically abusive. He collected Nazi memorabilia and claimed the Holocaust had never happened.
They'd witnessed actual incidents of physical abuse toward their mother, hearing the threats and fighting noises from another room. The aftermath of the physical abuse—such as blood, bruises, tears, torn clothing, and broken items—left Vickie trembling with fear. The tension in the home was thick, especially when their father’s car pulled into the driveway, and their mother would stiffen with fear and turn white in the face.
Being exposed to battering herself made Vickie fearful and anxious. She was always on guard, watching and waiting for the next event to occur. Vickie never knew what might trigger the abuse, and therefore, she never felt safe. She was always worried about herself, her mother, and brother. Vickie felt worthless and powerless, not knowing where to turn. She didn’t understand why she had been expected to keep the family secret when they didn't even talk to each other about the abuse.
Vickie did everything she could to look fine to the outside world—her teachers and so on—but inside, she was in terrible pain.
Their family was chaotic and crazy. Her brother would blame her for the abuse, saying if they had not done or said a particular thing, the abuse would not have occurred. He'd become angry at Vickie and their mother for triggering the abuse. Vickie felt isolated and vulnerable, while her brother was angry and embarrassed. They were both starved for attention, affection, and approval, Vickie from her mother, and her brother from her father.
Their mother was struggling to survive, so she often wasn’t present for her children. Their father seemed so consumed with controlling everyone. He often put their mother down in front of them, saying she was crazy or stupid and that they didn't have to listen to her. Seeing their mother treated with enormous disrespect taught the children it was okay to disrespect women the way their father did.
Vickie and her brother were physically, emotionally, and psychologically abandoned. She grew angry at her father for the violence and frustrated at her mother for being unable to prevent the violence.
Vickie always hoped that her brother would intervene on behalf of her mother and herself, but her brother had started to act out and was anxious to please their father. He also used violence to express himself, displaying increased aggression with peers and their mother. He started to self-injure, cutting himself and burning his skin with cigarettes.
She had grown up observing her mother being abused, her only role model for intimate relationships one in which one person used intimidation and violence over the other person to get his way.
Vickie learned that threats and violence were the norm in a relationship.
Her brother had learned that violence was an effective way to resolve conflicts and problems, and he became a maniac who turned away from her and went down some insane rabbit-hole only to emerge as a crazed Nazi.